THAI WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS
The Things They Get Up To
Anyone who has lived in Thailand for a while will have heard stories about farang men and the crazy things their Thai wives or girlfriends get up to. Sometimes it is just bizarrely unreasonable behaviour. Other times it is a shocking willingness to totally screw over their farang partners.
Some of the things they do just make you laugh but there are other times they take your breath away with the sheer audacity of their actions, their ability to put aside any semblance of morals and just scheme away to their own ends. Of course, there are other times when it is just their plain stupidity that takes the breath away.
The following four stories all happened around my own little housing estate where there are quite a few farang-Thai couples. They are just a small sample of the things Thai women can get up to.
A young European guy and his Thai girlfriend have lived in the house opposite me for the last three months. They are both very sociable and quickly introduced themselves. We sometimes share a few drinks in the garden He seems like an easy-going guy. She is very chatty and usually happy. She doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or take drugs which is a promising start for Thai girlfriend material.
The problem is she regularly goes completely off the rails. Every two or three days they have a huge argument. I say argument, but in fact it is usually only her voice you can hear screaming abuse. She throws things, windows get broken and then there are tears and drama in the street.
The upshot is usually that she packs her bags and declares she is leaving for good. A big show is made of this. She comes to say goodbye to us because she is not going to see us again. She calls a taxi and then stands outside her house shouting to her boyfriend that she is going and he will never see her again.
He quietly stays inside and ignores the whole charade. The thing is we all know she isn't leaving. She may be back the same day. If not, she will return the next day somehow looking triumphant. In fact, this pretence of leaving has become so shallow that instead of taking her packed bags, she now makes a habit of hiding them in our house so she doesn't have the hassle of carrying them.
What were the arguments about? Some of them were the usual accusation that he was playing around with other women. Often, it was that he spent money on something she thinks is wasteful. But it is HIS money! He pays her a generous allowance. When Thai women do this routine of trying to stop their farang boyfriends spending their money, I always think there is a simple ulterior motive. If their farang boyfriend is spending his money, then there is less leftover for the girl to squeeze out of him for herself.
This girl has already told my wife she has three other farang boyfriends. This is one of the things us westerners just don't get. It is not only that they play these games and deceive their boyfriends. They think it is something to boast about and if they can boast about it right under their boyfriend's nose, all the better. Why she thought my wife wouldn't tell me, I don't know. She probably assumes all Thai women deceive their farang partners and that my wife would be impressed at her cunning.
I wouldn't get involved in other people's relationships except in extreme circumstances so I will not be telling this guy about the other boyfriends. Anyway, I don't think he is such a fool. He is returning to Europe this week and I doubt if he will be continuing his relationship with this particular Thai girl - but you never know.
The previous occupants of this same house were a European guy and his Thai wife. He worked in Europe for six months a year and lived in Phuket for the other six months. He had been doing this for years and when he was in Phuket, they always seemed to have a good relationship. The problem was that for the six months he was away, his wife had to entertain herself. And her vice was gambling.
Gambling really does seem to be a major problem for some Thai women. I know several of the Thai wives on our estate play a regular card game. They all say the same thing. It is just a bit of fun for small money. I have seen them play and it is not for fun. They get very intense, there is little conversation and although the stakes start small, they quickly grow. I have heard of women winning or losing as much as 30,000 baht in these 'fun' games.
There seems to be something in the Thai mentality that leaves them very open to gambling addiction. Perhaps it is their belief in lucky numbers and fate. Whatever it is, there is good reason why gambling is illegal in Thailand. It is an endless source of problems, especially for Thai women with money and time on their hands such as wives of farang.
So every morning this Thai woman set off for her local card game. Sometimes she would be gone for two or three days - they really can play that long. She had been doing this for years and I guess she wasn't losing too much. But then the problems started.
The first sign was when she started asking to borrow money. At first, it was only small sums that we were happy to give her. But then she wanted 10,000 baht. I knew this was a sign of a serious problem. She was chasing her losses. The only way she could repay the money was if she got lucky at cards so I refused her the loan.
Of course, there are other ways to borrow money in Thailand. Once one of these girls is on the slope she will keep sliding. Soon there were rough looking Thai men appearing on her doorstep demanding repayment. She sold their motorbike and started renting one instead. She sold jewelry and furniture but used the money to chase her losses and the loan sharks kept appearing. She started disappearing for a week at a time. It was obvious her situation was out of control. Then she was gone.
I don't think the loan sharks got her. She packed her bags in the middle of the night and ran. There were rumours about how much she owed and for those sorts of sums she would have to do a good job of disappearing. There were calls from her husband asking why he could not contact his wife. When he returned to Phuket, there was no sign of her. She had not returned to her family, or at least not that they would admit. She just ran away from it all, the debts and the marriage.
A good friend of mine was very pleased that his wife was expecting their first child. His wife's sister was also pleased but for slightly different reasons. She wanted copies of the ultrasound scans of the foetus. She had an Australian boyfriend who she was siphoning like an old banger. She had already twice convinced him she was pregnant and needed medical expenses. Then of course, she had two miscarriages and so needed more medical expenses.
Now she was trying the same routine for a third time but he was proving a little harder to convince. He wanted to see the ultrasound scans. So what good fortune that her sister just happened to be pregnant.
My friend absolutely put his foot down. No way would he let his child be used as a tool in a Thai bargirl scam. It is one thing to stand back and watch these girls rip off their farang boyfriends. It is a totally different thing to play an active role in the deception.
Without a copy of an ultrasound scan, her bluff was called and she was caught out. The Aussie boyfriend dumped her. All kinds of drama followed. She had a Thai boyfriend and together they were living the high life. Without her benefactor, she quickly ran up huge debts. The Thai boyfriend left her. She got her mother to take out a loan. She defaulted on the loan and her mother spent two days in a cell until my friend paid her bail - after all, she is also the mother of his wife.
So much drama and heartache that you think she might actually learn her lesson. And then would you believe it - the Aussie boyfriend decided to give her another chance. Now she is spending his money like water again and convinced that everything she did has worked out for the best.
Oh yeah, one other thing she hasn't told the Aussie boyfriend. He is very keen to start a family but she cannot have children. She is infertile.
All these previous stories kind of fade in significance compared to what happened to this guy. I don't know him personally but I know his neighbours. He worked in Bangkok and came to Phuket at weekends to see his wife. Their relationship was already rocky and they were working towards agreeing an amicable split. They owned the house but there was still an outstanding mortgage.
One weekend he returned home to find it deserted. Everything of value was gone. He was confused and started looking for an explanation. He was soon given one by a bank representative who arrived shortly afterwards. The bank has repossessed the house.
"That cannot be" said this guy. "I pay the mortgage every month". The bank guy explained - "that mortgage is with a different bank. Your wife took a second mortgage on the property and she has not paid."
The farang realised he was totally stitched. He started looking for a way out but there was none. Can I take over the payments? It is too late. I will get a lawyer! It is too late. We have been taking action for months. It is finished now.
In a blind fury, the farang started smashing up the house. The bank called the police and they arrested him. The house was no longer his property and he would have to pay for the damages.
Over the next few days, the full extent of his wife's treachery became apparent. She had not only taken a second mortgage on the property but also she had used it as collateral for a loan from the local mafia. She had taken the money and disappeared. There were now two banks and the local mafia arguing over who had claim to his house.
I had met his wife only once a few weeks before. She came around our house asking for a 100,000-baht loan. She said she would write up a contract and pay back 110,000 baht the very next week. Naturally, we refused this generous offer. She must have known even then that she had no intention of paying. She carried on doing the rounds until she found a sucker willing to give the loan. It was actually a local Thai guy she fleeced.
It is a small world. Another friend of mine recently met this farang working offshore. He was working all the hours he could get to pay off his debts. The bank with the original mortgage has insisted he must pay it off or they will have him blacklisted from Thailand. He still loves Thailand and his life here and does not want to be blacklisted.
I certainly don't want to generalise and say all Thai women are scheming or crazy. All four of these women had one thing in common; they had all worked in the sex industry. That is not to say that all Thai girls from the sex industry are bad. It is not even that all Thai girls who have never worked in the sex industry are good. However, on the whole this sort of behaviour is much more likely to come from women who have worked in the sex industry.
The tourist sector of the sex industry is all about extracting as much money as possible from the customers. The girls learn to lie, scheme and play their customers like a fiddle. They can take the same mentality into their long-term relationships. They are still playing the game and unfortunately, the base of their relationship is how much money they can squeeze from their farang.
I do know plenty of guys who have great Thai wives. I would go as far as to say that the sort of stories above are the minority and most men who settle in Thailand find a great woman. The cultural differences will always cause a few difficulties and Thai women certainly do a few things we find strange. As long as both sides are willing to compromise then it can all work out fine.
This is not a purely Thai phenomenon. I know men who have been fleeced by women in their own countries. And the divorce rates in the west are so high that there is really no point in harping on about the number of failed farang-Thai relationships. This devious side of the Thai female is not a universal truth. However, these stories do seem to be more common here than elsewhere. I think it is mostly a by-product of the way many of these relationships started.
Phuket's Naughty Nightlife - A description of the sex industry in Phuket.
Katoeys - Katoeys or ladyboys are a common stereotype of Thailand. Are there really lots of katoeys in Thailand and if so, why?
Thai Wives and Girlfriends - A Few Stories - The things Thai wives and girlfriends do to their farang partners are often a source of amusement for those not affected. Here is a small selection of stories.
She Should be Grateful - We hear lots of stories about the strange and unreasonable behaviour of Thai women. What about the other side of the coin. Are the western husbands any better?
Thai-Western Marriages - The mixed Thai-Western marriage is now an established part of the Phuket scenery. Why are so many men coming here to marry Thai women?
Should Western Men Pay Sinsot? - Sinsot is the Thai marriage tradition of the man paying money to the family of his new Thai wife. Should western men accept this tradition?